36th!

Every year on this day, I try to reflect on my life so far. By reflect, I mean I go through the past year again in my head, identifying the big, defining moments, the struggles and how they were hurdled (if at all), the small and seemingly inconsequential moments that filled the days. At least those that I can remember anyway.

I go through this exercise because I want to remember as much as I can about what has transpired in my life. In the daily hustle and bustle of living, it can't be helped that days are sometimes counted and marked out on calenders only as a way to get to a particular date coinciding with work deadlines, the next payday, the next vacation or the next trip home. I tend to do that too, sadly, a habit I'm trying to curb. For who was it that said that life is what happens when you are not looking?

I also reflect to 'look' for moments I may have forgotten or overlooked that should make me ever more grateful for the blessed lot I have been handed. From my stormy growing-up years, through severe insecurity, early tensions and despair over academic difficulties while in college (ack! Engineering! in UP! Don't even ask.), heck, I've come a long way, baby!

So, for giving me material comfort, where there could have easily been dire want, for a life of quiet joy and contentment where there could have been desperation and helplessness, good health where illness instead, love, care, acceptance and friendship where loneliness could have been, I walk around with a grateful heart -- most of the time. (Who doesn't get whiny every once in a while, huh?) And so to stock my heart's armory with big and small instances that inspire gratitude to the Giver on days when I can't help but be difficult, I scour through years gone by for my own ammunition -- countless proof of blessings.

I also have this habit of trying to kill myself trying to remember exactly what I did last year, on this very day. Of course I always get frustrated because I am someone who can't even remember what I did this day last week! I always attempt to start a diary too, to save me the trouble of mental calistenics next year about today's events, but so far, all I have are unused nice notebooks and a few diaries that have barely anything written on them lying about in my bedroom.

Towards this end, let me just say that I remember that on this day in 2005, I had a huge chocolate cake with lots of fluffy white icing from my hubby (then fiance) which we finished eating only after about a month. (Ew! Too huge! And I didn't want to throw it out.) He got me a sexy, red divan too, which he said was to be my throne after a long day at the office, but which became his favourite chair instead until it gave him bad backaches. So now I get to sit there finally. The 18th last year was a Sunday, so we spent the day together in town meandering about.

This year, he got me a smaller cake, a mango torte, a light, yummy creation that is not cloyingly sweet. I reckon this one will be polished off in 2 weeks tops.

I went to work today though, this being the eve of the 2-day IMF and World Bank annual meetings here. So no fancy dinner date. The hubby did come by my office bearing a special takeaway dinner for me and promised a better meal this weekend.

Looking forward, I hope for 3 major things this year: having a baby and going on a proper honeymoon, whichever comes first. And world peace, of course.

Cheers!

Where does the time go?

From that initial online chat with some of my old high school friends a few weeks ago, the group has now expanded to include a few more people who had just dropped out from everyone's radar to 'resurface' now after so many years.

My amazement at how we've managed to be located in so many parts of the world has just grown. Ah, the wonder of technology really. I may never live to see all these names in my Yahoo Chat box in the same physical room again, but at least online, we are able to gather like high school kids again every few weeks to chit-chat and reminisce.

Those who can't be online when we gather write-in via email and what wacky emails they send. You know you're old(er) when you can't remember half the stories that are told about happenings in high school, and its specially strange but a bit melancholy too to hear a friend now living in UK sing to you via Yahoo Voice your alma mater song that you've completely forgotten about.

As Julia Fordham sings so plaintively in a song, I likewise ask: Where does the time go?